The Highly Sensitive Person
Do you think you might be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)? There are lots of online tests you can take to find out if you might be - but it’s important to note that there are actually no true tests or assessments that mental health professionals use. Some of the qualities and traits of a HSP overlap with other personality types - so my advice would be to try not to get too bogged down with names and labels. Having said this, I know it’s a huge comfort to people who have been feeling this way for years/their whole lives and not known why, to have that breakthrough and feel that giving it a name ‘legitimises’ it somehow.
Being told you were too sensitive as a child (or even still as an adult!), having trouble sleeping because of your mind being over-active, finding it hard to deal with change, and ultimately being left feeling like (or being told that) something is wrong with us - are all things that HSPs might have experienced. As a HSP we are constantly soaking up everything around us, so you might find it difficult to watch certain films or TV shows as they are too emotionally draining and you find yourself becoming quite consumed by them. Or watching the news might be very difficult for you because you feel it all so closely. There’s great power and strength in being a HSP. 15-20% of the population are HSPs, so it’s also normal - this percentage is too high for it to be considered a disorder, but too low for most people around us to really have a good understanding of what exactly it means.
Dr. Elaine Aron is basically the Queen of the HSP, having been researching high sensitivity since 1991. She really helps to normalise and point out the gentle power of the HSP, and she presents an acronym to help better assess people:
DOES
D: Depth of processing - HSPs will tend to think something through very thoroughly and consider all options, thoughts they have about the thing and how it affects other people. HSPs will try to soak up as much information as possible and look into things really deeply. They’ll enjoy this deep thinking about things and reflecting in general. For this reason, an HSP enjoys spending time alone, and needs this to recharge.
(Our minds are constantly active, which can make sleeping really difficult and insomnia very familiar to us).
O: Over-stimulation - Of all the senses; it might be big crowds, bright lights, certain textures, it just gets overwhelming quickly.
This trait seems to overlap with introversion, shyness and sensory processing disorder but HSP is very different and a lot of HSPs are very outgoing and would not describe themselves as introverts.
If HSPs are processing everything very deeply then it’s no wonder over-stimulation happens easily and these triggering environments will be avoided.
E: Emotional reactivity and Empathy - HSPs are often described as being very intuitive people. They might have a sense of a room as soon as they walk into it, or of a person the second they meet them. A person may intuit how people are feeling and take this feeling on themselves. This sounds similar to traits of an empath, but it’s important to note that these are not the same thing and HSPs experience this differently to empaths.
S: Sensing the subtle - This is noticing micro-expressions, behaviour and body language. This can be really helpful because a HSP might notice before others that someone is becoming distressed or vulnerable. Or in general, a HSP might be able to intuit what someone needs and be able to adjust their behaviour or attitude accordingly.
So easily taking in other people’s emotions, constantly reading into other people’s mood, processing those things very deeply and avoiding conflict (so, trying to keep people happy and possibly not voicing our own opinions) can lead of HSPs feeling very, very drained. It can cause overwhelm. However, many of these traits can also help us look after ourselves as we can read situations and people very quickly.
Management:
Everyone is different, so paying attention to what you find most difficult or bothersome can help - maybe it’s a certain texture, a strong smell or a particular sound. It can really help once we identify these triggers, as we know what to avoid.
Kind self-talk - watch out for this one! Are we invalidating our own feelings? Do we try and dismiss how we feel? Know that you’re feelings are normal, valid, and powerful!
Journal - Externalise all those thoughts and feelings. We will likely need time to deeply process things, writing thoughts and feelings down can help so much with this.
Re-parenting (if necessary) - Dr. Elaine Aron talks about this a lot. We can heal now through re-parenting ourselves. We can figure out what was missing from our own parenting and adjust that. (n.b. this is quite a huge subject and probably one that needs a whole new post of its own!)
Make time for your emotions - Make time to have a big cry now and then if you can feel one brewing. Validate all of your feelings - they’re all there for a reason. The only negative thing about any feeling is our judgments of them!
As always, know that this is not a substitute for therapy and if you’re struggling, talk to someone.
