How To Be More Mindful

Mindfulness—the practice of paying attention and staying present in the moment—has increasingly gained popularity in recent years. Maybe this is because instead of spending even a second alone, staying present with our thoughts, we reflexively turn to our phones for entertainment, comfort, or distraction. Many of us are on our phones at work, in the bathroom, and while we’re walking or using public transport - moments that in the past might have been spent unintentionally being mindful.

So, how do we reclaim those moments to stay present and aware?

Create Mindful Moments

Mindful moments are small pauses. They can be as short as a few breaths or as long as 10 or so minutes where we are actively present in the moment. Turn off the thoughts about the past or future and just notice what’s happening all around you. How do you feel? How do things look? How do things taste? 

When we’re actively present, the stress and noise of our everyday lives become less overwhelming. Our mind rests, just for that moment. 

The thing about being present and really paying attention is that we learn things about ourselves and our world that we might have been avoiding. Once those things come into light, we realise we can deal with them after all.

When we try to just cope with emotions—like anxiety—the causes of them remain intact. Because mindfulness can help us uncover the causes, it can be a more effective way to increase well-being. It’s important to note that mindfulness isn’t easy and it does take practice, so if it doesn’t work for you straight away, that’s okay too. 

Caveat:

Research suggests that people with severe trauma, depression, and other challenges like self-harm sometimes struggle with mindfulness. This is understandable since the roots of this emotional pain may be a lot harder to look at and deal with than other types of emotional pain. Please seek the support of a therapist if this is you and you want to use mindfulness.

How to Be Mindful

Even though it is possible to practice mindfulness anywhere, it doesn’t always come easy. Here’s some helpful tips:

To be more aware: If you're angry, ask what you're really angry at. If you're sad, ask what it is you're really sad at. Don't settle for, "I'm angry at [x] because he was rude to me." Why does that rudeness matter? Why now? Why him? What is happening inside of you that makes you angry? Become aware of any emotions you might be experiencing and investigate them. If you get stuck - layers of “why?” can be useful.

To be more open: Try not to push away unpleasant thoughts or emotions that arise. Recognise and acknowledge all of them without judgement or evaluation - they are just how you’re feeling. You don’t need to attach to each emotion/thought/feeling; just let it surface and observe it. If you have already “reacted” emotionally (maybe by crying or shouting), don’t judge yourself for that, either. What did you want to achieve with that reaction? How was that response useful to you in that moment? And how would you have wanted to respond instead? 

To be more accepting: One thing to start practicing right now is acceptance. Try not to judge or censor your feelings or thoughts. Everything you think and feel is valid and normal - and it comes from somewhere. Judgy statements we’ve all heard (“get over it” “you’re/they’re too sensitive” “boys don’t cry” “you’re/they’re overreacting”) don’t help - we need to unlearn them. We can start this by refusing to judge ourselves for having emotions. Emotions are natural, we deserve to feel ours.

Mindfulness is a muscle - the more you use it, the easier it will become.